L.O.S.E.R

All of you criticize me when you see me doing nothing,
maybe you can't see me going back and forth babysitting the kids.
When I make a sound, all of you condemned me for saying unnecessary things.
I try to make myself noticed or heard but all I get is YOU-HAVE-NO-RIGHT-TO-SAY face.
All you see is, I do nothing, eat and sleep and not searching for a job.
And you feel mad or maybe regret for having a child like me who is lazy to find a job.

IF you don't know the truth, please don't make any assumptions.

I don't deserve to say anything or make a sound when I'm happy, when I'm frustrated, when I'm mad. I will learn to live with expressionless reactions now.

All I want to do is be away from home. Run away from everything that I have and start living my dreams without thinking of other people.
But can I do that?
I am rebellious but I am not the type you see on TV.

I have been thinking I am a useless daughter, student, or a person. I feel angry, but I don't dare to say in front of them.
I need to say nothing because everything I say will hurt people, I need to be feeling-less so I can continuously be taken for granted by these people around me.
I'm not joking when I say I feel useless, I think of that everyday because that is what people around me have been thinking of me.
I don't dare to say anything, I don't want to say 'I am angry' to them.


Now, does that make me a loser?

The first rejection

I still have a long way to go.
I just need to be a little patient.
So far, only Shell has rejected me.
I still have a few more companies to wait for. Got an e-mail that has got to do with a job that I wanted a few months ago. Maybe it's meant for me?Haha
Nevermind, I will just try and send my resume to them.
Now, I am just going to go for any opportunity that comes my way, whether I succeed or not, that's a different story.
I need to start driving again. Ah..headache!

Ah, what a dull raya it is going to be this year -_-

Money money money!

To me, money has never been a problem.
Until this day, money is always there when I need them and I never feel I am short of cash or anything..
But ever since I finished studying, I think that money is always flowing out of my wallet and I feel the urge to find a job ASAP.
Now, no, everyday, the thought of NOT having money keeps playing in my head. I can't go out if I want or if I need to. I still have some loan left in the bank but I can't just rely on that now.
I am not saying I was a big spender before. I am not a shopaholic but I do spend. Not crazily.
I had a good relationship with 'money' but now..you see what happened? >_<

I just pray for any of the companies to call me for an interview.

Money money money!Come to me!

something..

I don't know what it is..but I feel like something is coming..
near me..
something good..something that will make me happy..
something that I am waiting for..
something I am hoping for..

whoah!if it truly happens..then this is what I call 'The Law of Attraction'


^^

The Graduation Day

The day is finally here.




I believe that it is a tradition for one to receive flowers on her/his day of graduation. I was happy and couldn't stop imagining how my bouquet would look like..
I couldn't wait to meet my parents after we got out of the hall.
They called me to come to the tents where they sell flowers..I was seriously happy. I couldn't wait..But when I saw them..

EMPTY.


They were empty-handed. Mother said ' I feel like laughing, they sell fake ones..'
When I turn to look at the booths, I can still see fresh flowers right behind me but I just kept quiet. I think I don't need to tell them about it. It's not important anyway.
But frankly speaking I was kinda disappointed.
People around me were holding more than one bouquet, they even have chocolates and teddy bears.
Well without wasting more time, my parents went straight to the car and I went away looking for my friends.




After struggling with the crowd I finally meet my friends. I took like 3 pictures with my friends and one of them handed me one of her bouquets when she saw me wasn't holding any. It's pathetic. Haha. Well, it's not a BIG deal to other people I guess. I was just being too emotional. It's the only degree I have and I receive nothing unless I go for masters and phD, then I can still hope for the flowers.





Moral of the story: Don't put your hopes too high.

To sum it all up, I feel happy because I now have a degree.Yay! I feel kinda sad to leave that place too. Sad for not seeing my supervisor. She didn't attend the ceremony. I guess she was busy. I met other lecturers. And I feel pathetic for not receiving any flowers when this is the opportunity for me to be receiving one.

샬린..괜찮아..no big deal..flowers die anyway

Pre-graduation post

After 3 years of sleeping at 2am, tonight I will 'try' force myself to sleep earlier because we need to be out of the house before 7 in the morning. Tomorrow is the final day where my parents get to see their child obtain a scroll in her hands.
As the youngest child, I am happy to see my parents excited about tomorrow.

But as a future employee, I feel scared. Like, I should be proud because I am graduating from the National University of Malaysia. And I can be a chemist. Certified chemist. I keep asking myself, 'Do I feel proud obtaining a degree in chemistry?'

This is the conversation between my friend and I before our final year project's presentation:

Me: Hey, we're graduating. I feel nothing. Degree in chemistry? What the fish..?How bout you?

Friend: You know what, I feel proud getting this degree even though my result sucks.

Me: oh yeah? Why should we?It's not like we know everything about chemistry and stuff..Frankly speaking I don't think I am certified to be a chemist.-_-

Friend: You SHOULD be proud, my friend. It's not easy to get a degree in chemistry. Some more from NU. So, you should be proud of yourself!!^^

Me:ah..okay..I'll try and be proud of myself.haha


Next post:
Graduation Day

NANTA Cookin'

July 24th 2010.
I went to watch NANTA Cookin' Show in KLCC.

NANTA Cookin' is an energetic non-verbal comic musical performance combining the traditional Korean percussion performance, vigorous acrobatic movements and drama.
It was full of fun!
Some information on NANTA Cookin' show (taken from the pamphlet XD)

NANTA Cookin' made its first debut performance in Korea in October 1997. It made it's international debut in 1999 at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and received an award for best performance. Its world tour had taken it to UK, Germany, Austria, Italy, Japan, Taiwan, Singapore, the Netherlands, etc. In 2004, NANTA Cookin' made its way to New York and had a successful one-and-half year run at Broadway, making it the first Asian show to open its own off-Broadway theatre.

The ajumma sitting on my right-hand side almost jumped out of her seat but the ajusshi on my left-hand site didn't make any sound.haha

I really enjoyed it. It was my first time watching musical. It was funny. They even used some Malay words and that was one of the reasons why people laughed real hard, clapped their hands and almost jumped out of their seats (like the ajumma xD).

NANTA Cookin' 죄고다!