I need to get back to university on the 5th of July cause I have to submit my report to my lecturer on the 6th.I haven't done my report and I am so dead.hohohoho..
1 more week until the training programme ends.Actually I can't wait for it to end.Studying is better than working.Yes.Studying is stressful, But for me, working is even more stressful. My Uni got was on tv last night and I can't believe that I actually miss my college already.LOL.usually I was the one who can't wait to get out of that college =p well I have 1 more year to get my degree and I really really really hope I'd be able to be what I wanna be and get what I want. It's still a secret to my family, friends except to my beloved cousin ^_^ Dilin dearie,thanks for listening to all my ridiculous dreams *HUGS* I know my 'dream' is really ridiculous and it's impossible for me to get it. It's like, I'm only at the 1st step and I have like millions of steps more to get there.I give myself 1 year to slowly walk towards it. I know,with determination and of course I'll keep on praying to YOU,I will get there,eventhough it takes me years.God, my eyes got all teary whenever I think bout it -_-
I need to go start writing my report now.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
what's wrong with her?
Something weird happened today.
Normally,she doesn't smile at me. I mean before the incident,she doesn't even care to look or smile at me.
But after the incident, I mean today, she smiled many times.TO ME.I opened the door for her,she smiled. I walked passed her,she smiled at me. What's wrong with her?She's feeling guilty?You bet?Are you okay,miss?
Normally,she doesn't smile at me. I mean before the incident,she doesn't even care to look or smile at me.
But after the incident, I mean today, she smiled many times.TO ME.I opened the door for her,she smiled. I walked passed her,she smiled at me. What's wrong with her?She's feeling guilty?You bet?Are you okay,miss?
Sunday, June 21, 2009
I want to wear these so bad!
These two above I bought 4 years ago.LOL.But never get the chance to were them. -_-
Bought this red outfit1 year ago.Again, no chance of wearing it. Yes I am fat. I'm sure you see it's kinda big. You can even fit it it.But trust me, I can't -_-
I was so crazy over this stripe top,I bought two of 'em.It's only RM10 each!Should have bought all colours available that time =P
Bought this green top also with my bestfriend. If I'm not mistaken I got it for RM20.
So,can I be considered as shopaholic?haha.I go crazy over nice,pretty,cute tops.But not shoes.Maybe I will once I earn my own money XD
End
I'm starting to forget all of it.Well not all of them,just some of them. Whenever I remember it, I feel upset but not like I'm going to cry. The more I think of it,the more I am determined to work towards my dream,so that I don't have to take the path I'm taking now.
I believe what my cousin said,
'God won't give you this kind of problem if you're not strong enough.He gave you this because He knows you can get through it.'
And I want to keep believing on that.
Okay.Stop right there. I won't bring up that topic anymore. I just want to enjoy my life. Do things I love. And forget all the bad memories I have been carrying for the past 8 years.
Goodbye old memories
I believe what my cousin said,
'God won't give you this kind of problem if you're not strong enough.He gave you this because He knows you can get through it.'
And I want to keep believing on that.
Okay.Stop right there. I won't bring up that topic anymore. I just want to enjoy my life. Do things I love. And forget all the bad memories I have been carrying for the past 8 years.
Goodbye old memories
Friday, June 19, 2009
Another day
I felt terrible this morning. Woke up late. Arrived as usual to work. First thing,uncle came up to me asked "are you mad at me?" and I said, "no,of course not".
Then later he asked me what did my supervisor said to me.And I just told him some of it. I am a talkative person but today I think it's the first time I felt like not to open my mouth eventhough I have so much to say. I think I need to talk less. Be less friendly. Don't talk unless it's something important. Don't go anywhere it's somewhere I need to go. Don't do things unless I need to do it. I need to act dumb. Be stupid. I'm just gonna act like a retarded after this. I'm the type of person where when you say A, I'll follow A.But at the same time, I like to take my own initiative to improve on something. But I guess I have to change all that after this. That's not how the world works. People won't stop cursing, talking,saying bad things about you till the day you die. And how much good deeds you have done, once you do something awful,all of the efforts before will be forgotten. In conclusion, I don't have to be a good person, friendly, hardworking, perfectionist etc. Just be stupid,dumb whatever you call it. And I guarantee no one will care whatever thing you do.
Went to celcom this afternoon to change my simcard. But once they checked my account, they said my number has been terminated. I got kinda upset. I like my number so much. It's very easy for everyone to memorise. To sum it all up, I hate celcom. Not just because terminating my number, but also for their terrible service on broadband. I call it celcom bullshit.The connection is friggin' slow. There's only one thing that will always be fast, on time. THE BILL.
Later after that, I went to KFC for lunch. Alone. Yeah that's me. I like to do things alone. True what uncle told me. He said I'm independent and he asked me whether I have planned to be out of my house once I've graduated?Yes, it's kinda true.LOLLL!!But not that I wanna stay in a different house from my family. I just wanna be far far away from Malaysia. I wanna have a new life somewhere else.Doing something I love and live my dreams. Yeah yeah right.
I dream too much and what I do?nothing.Just go to the celcom building and jump off..hahaha.whatever
Then later he asked me what did my supervisor said to me.And I just told him some of it. I am a talkative person but today I think it's the first time I felt like not to open my mouth eventhough I have so much to say. I think I need to talk less. Be less friendly. Don't talk unless it's something important. Don't go anywhere it's somewhere I need to go. Don't do things unless I need to do it. I need to act dumb. Be stupid. I'm just gonna act like a retarded after this. I'm the type of person where when you say A, I'll follow A.But at the same time, I like to take my own initiative to improve on something. But I guess I have to change all that after this. That's not how the world works. People won't stop cursing, talking,saying bad things about you till the day you die. And how much good deeds you have done, once you do something awful,all of the efforts before will be forgotten. In conclusion, I don't have to be a good person, friendly, hardworking, perfectionist etc. Just be stupid,dumb whatever you call it. And I guarantee no one will care whatever thing you do.
Went to celcom this afternoon to change my simcard. But once they checked my account, they said my number has been terminated. I got kinda upset. I like my number so much. It's very easy for everyone to memorise. To sum it all up, I hate celcom. Not just because terminating my number, but also for their terrible service on broadband. I call it celcom bullshit.The connection is friggin' slow. There's only one thing that will always be fast, on time. THE BILL.
Later after that, I went to KFC for lunch. Alone. Yeah that's me. I like to do things alone. True what uncle told me. He said I'm independent and he asked me whether I have planned to be out of my house once I've graduated?Yes, it's kinda true.LOLLL!!But not that I wanna stay in a different house from my family. I just wanna be far far away from Malaysia. I wanna have a new life somewhere else.Doing something I love and live my dreams. Yeah yeah right.
I dream too much and what I do?nothing.Just go to the celcom building and jump off..hahaha.whatever
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I just made a BIG mistake today
I never knew today would be the worst day ever in my life. I'm still shaking since 4pm. I didn't know that I would drag other people into my huge problem. It started when 2 trainees came to visit our lab.They asked me and the other trainee Qs and I explained to them a bit about this and that. And later they wanted to visit the instrument lab,so, I brought them over there. After that, they wanted to see another trainee, and I was so stupid and just brought them to the other lab..As soon as we went out of the lab, I saw all trainees and went to say hi and stuff. Some of them said they wanted to see my lab. And again, I brought all of them into my lab. Then I told uncle, if possible, let them see the store where they keep the samples. And uncle brought them into the store.
In the store, 1 of the trainees told me she wanted to get out of the lab. I asked her why,and she said the ma'am in front there asked them to leave. I was scared and didn't know what to do. Then the girl who wanted to go out so badly told everyone to go out. I went out too,and not long after that my supervisor called me into her room. She scolded me why I brought them in. I explained saying that some of the trainees want to see other labs before they finish doing the practical. She said I don't have the right and need to ask for permission for that. Yes I admit. It was my fault. I didn't know that I can't let the trainees in. Even the trainees are workers of that place. So I think it is not wrong. I am sorry for bringing all of you(uncle,my supervisor and the other trainee) such trouble. And I feel stupid. I feel very very sorry to uncle because he got scolded too. My supervisor said bad things to him. Cursing me. Saying I don't have the right to do this and that.Yes I admit that and I am sorry. Very sorry because I don't know. She even said something that really hurt my feelings to uncle. Yes, you are the boss. And I am just your worker.No, I am just some stupid trainee who came to spend her 8 weeks of semester break trying to learn and get new experience there. But it turned out to be a worse one. I apologise to uncle for dragging him into this. I am so sorry.I didn't mean to do that. You were so nice to me all this while and see what I have done to you.
Before I went home, I didn't ask my supervisor for her signature. I'm scared. I'm afraid she might start scolding and cursing me in front of other people. And I know one of the chemists know that I am actually trying to run away from my supervisor and she signed my card. Thank you for being understanding.
My friend, the other trainee told me that he knows how I feel and want me to just forget whatever happened just now.Thanks.
Walking home helplessly. In my heart I was praying I'll get hit by a car or lorry from behind or from the front. I just wanna die. Or get involve in an accident. So that I'll be admitted into the hospital and don't need to go to work until training session ends. Or I should just get hit by a car and lose memory. Unfortunately, I got back home safely.
I went straight to my room as I enter the house. I usually eat something once I'm home. I don't have the appetite now.
I want to sleep.Sleep forever.
Now all I want to say is, I didn't mean to do what I have done today. I didn't know and I admit that it was my fault. I am so sorry to those who got involved into this problem. I am sorry especially to uncle. I am so sorry. I hope you don't get any high blood pressure or something. Now I'm getting headache for crying.
All I ask for is forgiveness. I am sorry. Troublesome.That's me.I know.
I know it's a sin to think of doing stupid things. But I can't stop thinking of it right now. Maybe I should just go knock my head on the wall and stop until I see blood running down from my forehead to chin.
Now, I just don't know how to face them tomorrow..
In the store, 1 of the trainees told me she wanted to get out of the lab. I asked her why,and she said the ma'am in front there asked them to leave. I was scared and didn't know what to do. Then the girl who wanted to go out so badly told everyone to go out. I went out too,and not long after that my supervisor called me into her room. She scolded me why I brought them in. I explained saying that some of the trainees want to see other labs before they finish doing the practical. She said I don't have the right and need to ask for permission for that. Yes I admit. It was my fault. I didn't know that I can't let the trainees in. Even the trainees are workers of that place. So I think it is not wrong. I am sorry for bringing all of you(uncle,my supervisor and the other trainee) such trouble. And I feel stupid. I feel very very sorry to uncle because he got scolded too. My supervisor said bad things to him. Cursing me. Saying I don't have the right to do this and that.Yes I admit that and I am sorry. Very sorry because I don't know. She even said something that really hurt my feelings to uncle. Yes, you are the boss. And I am just your worker.No, I am just some stupid trainee who came to spend her 8 weeks of semester break trying to learn and get new experience there. But it turned out to be a worse one. I apologise to uncle for dragging him into this. I am so sorry.I didn't mean to do that. You were so nice to me all this while and see what I have done to you.
Before I went home, I didn't ask my supervisor for her signature. I'm scared. I'm afraid she might start scolding and cursing me in front of other people. And I know one of the chemists know that I am actually trying to run away from my supervisor and she signed my card. Thank you for being understanding.
My friend, the other trainee told me that he knows how I feel and want me to just forget whatever happened just now.Thanks.
Walking home helplessly. In my heart I was praying I'll get hit by a car or lorry from behind or from the front. I just wanna die. Or get involve in an accident. So that I'll be admitted into the hospital and don't need to go to work until training session ends. Or I should just get hit by a car and lose memory. Unfortunately, I got back home safely.
I went straight to my room as I enter the house. I usually eat something once I'm home. I don't have the appetite now.
I want to sleep.Sleep forever.
Now all I want to say is, I didn't mean to do what I have done today. I didn't know and I admit that it was my fault. I am so sorry to those who got involved into this problem. I am sorry especially to uncle. I am so sorry. I hope you don't get any high blood pressure or something. Now I'm getting headache for crying.
All I ask for is forgiveness. I am sorry. Troublesome.That's me.I know.
I know it's a sin to think of doing stupid things. But I can't stop thinking of it right now. Maybe I should just go knock my head on the wall and stop until I see blood running down from my forehead to chin.
Now, I just don't know how to face them tomorrow..
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
regret
It's my 6th week of being a trainee. I never thought of being a chemist when I was small. Frankly speaking I never like to work with chemicals or in laboratory. I'm afraid it might explode or something terrible happen when I'm working in it. But why did I end up taking chemistry? If I could turn back time, I will definitely change all of these. I want to work harder for my SPM. Do well for my pre-U and take a better course. If only..If only..If only..R-E-G-R-E-T.That's all I can say. I should just forget about it. I have to finish what I started. I have 1 more year to go to obtain degree. But even though I am qualified to be a chemist after this, I will find other options and working with chemicals would be my last resort. No one in my family knows about this. My mom would kill me if she knows this because she never agreed of my course. Why why why??Why did I take chemistry? It's a long story..now, I can only continue what I am doing.Yes.
This morning, at 8am..my supervisor came and asked me about the case I'm doing. She saw the due date and said,'so when are you going to finish it?' I said 'Errr..Yes, I'm going to proceed today.I have to stripe all of the samples today'
And she just went away. She was kinda mad. But hey, it's not my fault. I am just a trainee. Everyone there is facing a BIG problem because of someone and I have to settle everything. So, if things do not meet your expectation, don't be mad,ok? I know you're under pressure, and always being pushed around by the boss, but please don't treat others as if they're rubbish. I am just a trainee and I don't deserve to say anything. I understand your problem and I don't blame you for that. I just want you to treat us fairly.
Reached home at 5.40pm and I am extremely exhausted. I need rest. -_-
This morning, at 8am..my supervisor came and asked me about the case I'm doing. She saw the due date and said,'so when are you going to finish it?' I said 'Errr..Yes, I'm going to proceed today.I have to stripe all of the samples today'
And she just went away. She was kinda mad. But hey, it's not my fault. I am just a trainee. Everyone there is facing a BIG problem because of someone and I have to settle everything. So, if things do not meet your expectation, don't be mad,ok? I know you're under pressure, and always being pushed around by the boss, but please don't treat others as if they're rubbish. I am just a trainee and I don't deserve to say anything. I understand your problem and I don't blame you for that. I just want you to treat us fairly.
Reached home at 5.40pm and I am extremely exhausted. I need rest. -_-
Sunday, June 14, 2009
^^
Yesterday, I wanted to record my kiss shita but my pedal was not working.Tried to fix it, but this time, I really need to buy a new one.
Went to OU this afternoon and bought a new one. O.M.G.It's rm75...very expensive..to me..to a person who's still studying. Yes, IT IS EXPENSIVE.
Before that,I watched 17 Again, starring Zach Efron. Yes, it wasn't that nice. Kinda boring and yesterday went to watch Hannah Montana. Guess it's better that 17 Again. Yeah and I love all of Hannah Montana's soundtracks! Thought of buying the cd. And it's more than rm40...told my sister bout it and she said, 'I have bought it!'yeay!!So no need for me to spend so much money on it!phew!
and and I saw many people today..saw Eizlan Yusof, Yasmin Ahmad and her family, Aliah Lee and Aziz M Osman and their kids! huhuhuhu
that's all for now!
Went to OU this afternoon and bought a new one. O.M.G.It's rm75...very expensive..to me..to a person who's still studying. Yes, IT IS EXPENSIVE.
Before that,I watched 17 Again, starring Zach Efron. Yes, it wasn't that nice. Kinda boring and yesterday went to watch Hannah Montana. Guess it's better that 17 Again. Yeah and I love all of Hannah Montana's soundtracks! Thought of buying the cd. And it's more than rm40...told my sister bout it and she said, 'I have bought it!'yeay!!So no need for me to spend so much money on it!phew!
and and I saw many people today..saw Eizlan Yusof, Yasmin Ahmad and her family, Aliah Lee and Aziz M Osman and their kids! huhuhuhu
that's all for now!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
dead dead dead
I have 4 more weeks until new semester starts. Please please let these another 4 weeks of practical run smoothly. I need to start writing my report! Urghh!!lazy bum!
I need to force myself. Tomorrow's monday and I hate it. I have to get up at 6..and head to lrt station by 7.15. reach the office by 7.30..will be back home at 5.40...
omg
come on smurf, only 1 month left..and later after that I'll be dead. dead. dead. dead.I don't know how my final year life's gonna be.
This thursday, last semester's result will be out. o my -_-
I need to force myself. Tomorrow's monday and I hate it. I have to get up at 6..and head to lrt station by 7.15. reach the office by 7.30..will be back home at 5.40...
omg
come on smurf, only 1 month left..and later after that I'll be dead. dead. dead. dead.I don't know how my final year life's gonna be.
This thursday, last semester's result will be out. o my -_-
Saturday, June 6, 2009
RIP
My keyboard pedal didn't work yesterday. I was mad. Swearing in front of my parents.Oops!
This morning, I took out a screw driver from my dad's tool box and I opened the pedal, hoping to fix it..opened it, then pressed this, scratched my head, went to the toilet..then tried to see whether it's ok or not.NOOOO!still not working..I opened it again..tried this and that.and at lastttttt, managed to fix it!yeayyy!!!thank god.I spent rm 56 for that thing and it's not even 6months.ceit!
owh my.I only went for exercise twice this week. And during lunch I ate rice etc. God, I need to be strong and say no!!!to those who ask me out for lunch.lol XD
Thought of uploading the clothes I wanna wear here, but my sister brought the camera to her lecturer's wedding. So, I'll just upload it later ya..
I have so much things to say yesterday and the day before that, but I have forgotten all of it O__o
heh..my memory is getting weaker each day. I guess because everyday I inhale all sorts of chemicals at the office?ohhhh by the time I reach 30--->RIP
This morning, I took out a screw driver from my dad's tool box and I opened the pedal, hoping to fix it..opened it, then pressed this, scratched my head, went to the toilet..then tried to see whether it's ok or not.NOOOO!still not working..I opened it again..tried this and that.and at lastttttt, managed to fix it!yeayyy!!!thank god.I spent rm 56 for that thing and it's not even 6months.ceit!
owh my.I only went for exercise twice this week. And during lunch I ate rice etc. God, I need to be strong and say no!!!to those who ask me out for lunch.lol XD
Thought of uploading the clothes I wanna wear here, but my sister brought the camera to her lecturer's wedding. So, I'll just upload it later ya..
I have so much things to say yesterday and the day before that, but I have forgotten all of it O__o
heh..my memory is getting weaker each day. I guess because everyday I inhale all sorts of chemicals at the office?ohhhh by the time I reach 30--->RIP
Monday, June 1, 2009
1st day
I started walking at 5.45pm today. Made 10 rounds and went home. My legs are freaking tired right now.. I didn't really sweating, maybe it was windy this evening.
Had a mexican bun for breakfast ( i know it's fattening! XD) didn't eat anything for lunch. Had an apple, banana and 2 pieces of chicken(fattening!!!!) for dinner.
Tomorrow I gotta close my eyes whenever I pass the kitchen.-_-
I need to drink plenty of water. Continue my daily brisk walking or do Paula Abdul's workout..
You know what..my dad came home with 6bars of Cadbury choc and I was like....whaaaaaatt!!! -_-
I need to be strict to myself.No choc, no rice, no junk food until this Sunday. and drinkkkkkkk plenty of water and exercise exercise exercise!!
I have 5 more weeks before the new semester starts.. I need to make sure I lose like 6 7kg?
go go!!!
well, good luck to me ^^)
Had a mexican bun for breakfast ( i know it's fattening! XD) didn't eat anything for lunch. Had an apple, banana and 2 pieces of chicken(fattening!!!!) for dinner.
Tomorrow I gotta close my eyes whenever I pass the kitchen.-_-
I need to drink plenty of water. Continue my daily brisk walking or do Paula Abdul's workout..
You know what..my dad came home with 6bars of Cadbury choc and I was like....whaaaaaatt!!! -_-
I need to be strict to myself.No choc, no rice, no junk food until this Sunday. and drinkkkkkkk plenty of water and exercise exercise exercise!!
I have 5 more weeks before the new semester starts.. I need to make sure I lose like 6 7kg?
go go!!!
well, good luck to me ^^)
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